I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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