The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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