Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
