considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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