Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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