i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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