I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
