You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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