Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
