got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
