i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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