Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
