my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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