I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
