i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
