He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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