one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
