i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
