Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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