he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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