there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
