I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
