is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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