in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
