We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
