What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
