Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
