he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
operation harelip BJ is a go
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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