I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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