Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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