Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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