five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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