So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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