i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
