You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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