Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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