just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
