if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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