i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
