Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
