I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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