Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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