Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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