just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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