She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
