My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
