You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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