So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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