If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need a burrito and a hug.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
