Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
