I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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