Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
