Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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