i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
