That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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