I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
