So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize