I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
