y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your cock deserves a montage
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
