i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
