i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
