oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
