We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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