Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
