why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
