If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
