He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize