she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
