Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
