i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
