i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
