i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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