Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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