is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
