he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize