I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
